i feel kind of disjointed lately. trying to catch up with reality. but i have no heart for it. my problems were solved. now im just experiencing the consequences of it. the aftermath of my own destructive problems. its hard trying to grab the things that i wanted all at the same time. there are some things that i must let go. for a while or maybe forever. to make difficult choices alone when im just a young teenage still trying to figure out life is, super hard. i cant play around anymore. i have to be more mature in making the right choices and bear the consequences of the wrong ones.
the one thing that i have to go through that needs a hell of a strength is SURVIVING. yes, surviving life a moment at a time. sadly, i feel kind of lonely. ALONE. my parents is not here with me to catch my tears and hug me when im feeling down. my boyfriend is 5 hours away from me, and there is nothing i can do about it. here i dont really have any best friends. just good friends. a few from my class and of course my dear roommates. they make me feel happy but they cant actually take my pain away. and to say that i can count on them all the time is not possible, because i really cant. they have their own life and friends. im just a particle in human size form in their life. nothing more than that. but im still glad to have them in my life. i do have one real best friend though. we've been friends since high school, since form 3. she is the other half of me. we share almost everything together. we're like sisters sometimes. she was definitely a part of my existance in this universe. i dont care if i dont have too many friends. her alone completes my life. i love her very much.
0 comments:
Post a Comment